Two Dysfunctional Spaces: Able Bodied Culture vs. Disabled Culture & A Crippple in the Middle

Erin Kay
May 8
3 min read

I feel like I disappoint ALOT of disabled people all the time and that makes me feel incredibly guilty.

I don't agree with every single "disability rights take."

I don't agree with "policing" or "shaming people into caring about disability rights,"

Politicians on both sides of the aisle use the shaming tactic enough.

Trust me, it doesn't make ANYONE care anymore about disability rights.

I used to shame people alot and probably still do, but it isn't my intention with my content.

I shamed alot frankly that's kind of what I thought advocacy was.

I am a white disabled woman of extreme privilege now as a disabled adult, but I grew in a trailer park on Medicaid and SSI.

Regardless of my past all white disabled people have extreme privilege in the disabled space.

A child of systems.

I worked government jobs, education, non-profit, corporate, to be discriminated against for my disability.

In between worlds of pretending to be able bodied, (even though I'm visibly disabled) pushing my disabled body to exhaustion +60 hours a week at jobs I was demeaned at to prove "I didn't need the systems," and I wasn't "that type" of disabled person.

My internalized ableism ran rampant and unchecked and frankly it still does.

Then SSI (Social Supplemental Income) came to collect after I reported all my earnings and I owed the government $5000.

Here I was, the perfect "cripple," pulling myself up by my "bootstraps," working full time and being punished by the government.

Yes, folks believe it or not SSI isn't FREE MONEY for disabled people.

I went to a disability rights lawyer, she said "On average disabled people pay $60,000 back to the government. You're lucky,"

And I was

Now I run an online business Erin Claiming Disability , by myself, and pay regular taxes Everyday I am still trolled by people who say, "You are just living off of benefits."

I laugh and respond.

"Yes, I was on benefits and I wish I still was". Anyone who needs them should use them."

Of course that's all people see when they see me it's all they will ever see.

It's a hard pill to swallow knowing my disabled life is someone else's worst nightmare when they look at me.

And I overcompensate, I over do. I over work just to validate my disabled existence.

I felt guilty my entire life for being on benefits due to internalized ableism.

Now, I feel incredibly guilty I'm a disabled person who doesn't use benefits anymore.

I feel guilty for being sick all the time due to my celiac's disease.

I feel guilty for all disabled friends who have died this year.

I feel incredibly guilty that I don't do enough "free work," because whether you're disabled or able bodied everyone thinks you should give disability education away for FREE.

Clearly, because disabled people have nothing but free time.. (that's sarcasm)

I feel guilty I use a wheelchair because my conditions have gotten worse

I feel guilty for traveling to Greece as a Disabled person as the United States continues to burn.

I feel guilty for not living up to the disabled community expectations, (even though no one disabled person can represent the entirety of the disabled community or ever should).

And sometimes the guilt of not living up to able bodied standards or disabled standards eats me alive

I cannot live up to anyone's expectations because I'm also a disabled person full of contradictions and "humaness."

I don't speak for a single person in the disabled community.

I'm an extremely flawed disabled person with a big mouth and lots of opinions no one asked for.

Just one voice

Just one messy voice

Just one stubborn voice

Out of so many great, better voices in the disabled community

That's truly it, folks

Just screaming into the void.

Thanks for listening.

To be a disabled person in this world, you must deal with a lot contradictions and alot of guilt for simply existing.

Two Dysfunctional Spaces: Able Bodied Culture vs. Disabled Culture & A Crippple in the Middle

[Image Description: A picture of Erin smiling with makeup and black and pink glasses with blonde hair curled]

If you're interested check out my upcoming trip to Northern Greece with my husband Jeremy, a registered Respiratory Therapist and medical professional and CareunderSun from October 31st to November 8th 2026!